Sensual and Intimacy Issues

SHAPE UP FOR SEX Striking out at the bar? Join a running club. When it comes to choosing a man, women with athletic builds are less superficial than those with curvaceous figures, say Polish scientists. After a detailed survey, they determined that the broader a woman’s hips were relative to her waist, the more importance she placed on a man’s looks. “Curvier women have more estrogen and a greater maternal urge to find a partner who looks like he’ll produce strong babies and provide for a family,” says the study author, Boguslaw Pawlowski, PhD.

IT IS IN YOUR HEAD

As if wilted wood is not bad enough, erectile dysfunction may be an early sign of Parkinson’s Harvard researchers who tracked 32,000 men for 16 years found that those with ED were 3.8 times more likely to develop Parkinson’s. According to the study authors, the disease alters brain circuits that control involuntary functions – like sexual arousal – years before the first hallmark tremors appear. To fight back, drink two cups of coffee a day. Scientist found that men who did so were less likely to develop the disease than those who skipped java.

SCENT SCIENCE

Pass on the horse – drawn carriage ride. Stinky air makes you less attractive, say Northwestern University scientist from Illinois. Women exposed to a faint foul odor rated faces as less likable than they did when in fresh air. Turns out, when women detect a stench, they associate it with the face of the person they are with. The good news: A waft of citrus spikes likability.

ASHES, ASHES WE ALL FALL DOWN
Before you try to hook up in a smoky bar, consider what might happen if you succeed: inhaling secondhand smoke can sabotage your erections, according to a University of Texas study. When men were given a nicotine dose equivalent to 30 minutes of smoke exposure, their erections were 23 percent weaker than those of men spared the stimulant. The nicotine in the smoke can trigger hormones that keep the veins in your penis from constricting and holding blood, say the study authors.

FACTS OF LIFE

53 percentages of people who have better sex lives thanks to a little experimentation; this includes role-playing, massage, and acting on sexual fantasies

GENTLEMEN, HOLD YOUR FIRE

MAXIMIZE YOUR STAMINA – AND HER SATISFACTION – TONIGHT

In 1966, the four-phase theory of sexual arousal debuted with the publication of Masters and Johnson’s Human Sexual Response. That seminal playbook still applies – but recent research makes your job of charting a course to the top even easier. Read on, and bone up.

Phase I: Excitement

Her: Turns out that both men’s and women’s bodies need 11 minutes to reach peak arousal, according to a Canadian study. But the mind is more fickle. At the University of Las Vegas, researchers found that women are 11 percent more prone to distractions that men. Her number one sex buzz kills. Seeing her own body. “Free her mind of insecurities with specific compliments, and her body – and passions – will follow, “says Sari Locker, PhD, author of The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Amazing Sex.

Him: Take is slow now to buy time later, says Patti Britton, PhD, author of The Art of Sex Coaching. Use your hands and lips to awaken her neck, back, and inner thighs before moving toward her erogenous zones. And let her bring your body into the game instead of seeking stimulation yourself.

Phase II: Plateau

Her: The plateau phase is her arousal base camp. The trick is to prepare properly for the ascent. “If you race through this phase, you won’t build up tension, so her orgasm will be less intense, “says Emily Nagoski, PhD, a sexuality educator at West Chester University in Pennsylvania. Use this stage to deliver focused, steady attention to her clitoris. “Stimulating anywhere else at this point is like going to Minnesota to get a tan.”

Him: At this stage, your diaphragm, which speeds your arousal momentum toward orgasm? “Negate by focusing on slowing your breathing. This relaxes your diaphragm and prolongs your stay in the plateau phase.

Phase III: Orgasmic

Her: The closer a woman is to orgasm the easier it can be for her to lose it. Changing positions or altering your rhythm and depth at this point might send you back to stage one.

Him: Buy time by concentrating on what your other body parts are doing (your arms holding you up, your legs flexing). This doesn’t just distract, it ramps up your body awareness and control, says Nagoski. “But,” she says, “Once you cross the point of no return, climax becomes a reflex, just like sneezing.”

Phase IV: Resolution

Her: Women can jump into round two almost immediately, says Locker. If she’s up for it, move your finger in wide circles just surrounding her now supersensitive clitoris until

She’s ready for more direct stimulation.

Him: Stress and orgasm trigger the release of the hormone prolactin, which stalls your ability to rise again. Once, the prolactin level in your blood ebbs, the refractory period ends. This can take minutes or days. The more stressed you are, the longer it’ll take. So, at the very least, don’t sweat your post-sex downtime. Instead, start satisfying her and soon you’ll be ready for a rematch.

How well matched are you and your partner? Here is a guide to hotter sex.
Mismatched socks are tolerable. Mismatched sex is not. Avoid these 5 common sexual disconnects – and find the right fit with any woman.

THE MISMATCH: HER AROUSAL IS AT A SLOW BURN, BUT YOU ARE RARING TO GO.

Sure, women are typically slower than men at becoming sexually amped. “But it actually takes much less time than even women realize,” says Scott Haltzman, MD, author of The Secrets of Happily Married Men. Rig the system: If you reinforce the idea that she is aroused, it may happen more quickly. Tell her you see that her nipples are hard and you feel she is wet. Her brain will signal her body to feel that desire, Haltzman says.

THE MISMTACH: YOU LIKE DIRTY TALK, BUT SHE IS TIMID

Just because she is keeping quiet, do not assume she is opposed to sex talk. “A woman may not like to talk dirty because it takes her away from her body and sensations,” says Joy Davidson, PhD, a New York – based sex therapist and the author of Fearless Sex. “But she might really like it if you talk dirty to her.” Feed her lines. While you are teasing her, ask her what she wants you to do next. During sex, ask her what she likes best about how it feels. “In the future, she’ll have those phrases on hand,” Davidson says.

THE MISMATCH: YOU ALWAYS MAKE THE FIRST MOVE

Women may subconsciously feel they need permission to take the lead, says Patti Britton, PhD, author of The Art of Sex Coaching. Casually say, “I wonder what it’d be like if you took the lead tonight. That would really turn me on,” Also, realize that any of her casual comments about sex – or anything about either your body or hers – are often subtle requests, Haltzman says.

THE MISMATCH: YOUR NUMBER IS HIGER THAN HERS.

A big gap in bedroom know-how can make her worry about her performance or about being just another brick in the wall, says Haltzman. In that case, “don’t rush in with your whole utility belt of sexual experiences and toys,” he says. Face-to-face positions – cowboy (aka cowgirl), missionary, sitting together on a chair – are best, because they offer her a sense of intimacy and connection. And forget about the Big O at first. Focusing on orgasm only stresses her.

THE MISMATCH: THE TWO OF YOU DON’T MEASURE UP

If there is a significant height difference between the two of you, furniture can be your best friend. If she is taller, try lying on an ottoman or a small bench and have her straddle you. That way, she can still have her feet on the ground, Haltzman says, “giving her leverage and flexibility,” Or, if you are taller, “try holding her up and pinning her against the wall,” says Brian Zamboni, PhD, a sex therapist and clinical psychologist at the University of Minnesota.